How to find your voice

I’ve come to realise that the hardest thing in this world is to be yourself. 

Some of us take whole lifetimes to learn who we are and be true to ourselves. Some of us are born that way… those are the lucky ones. 

There is nothing more beautiful, sexy and wonderful in this world than meeting someone who is comfortable with themselves and unapologetically connected to their hearts. When was the last time you met someone like this?  

Up until last year I had spent my whole life being one of those people who is deeply disconnected from themselves. The disconnection made me moody, defensive, hurt, sad, depressed and anxious. Being disconnected is heavy. You can feel this massive weight that you’re carrying around inside of you. It makes you not want to get out of bed in the morning, it makes you want to over eat, it makes you want to stay in and watch tv, it makes you want to hide, it makes you anxious… It also made me fall into situations that my true self wouldn’t have got into in a million years - like marrying the wrong man. 
My self esteem had always been fragile, especially from my teen years. I wasn’t taught or guided to listen to that small inner voice inside of me which told me what felt right and wrong for me. I would always do the opposite and my reason was because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t left on the shelf or that being truly happy wasn’t a reality which could be achieved. So I settled. I settled for someone who was aggressive, manipulative, mean and angry - but who loved me… this was meant to be enough and yet 12 years later I learnt that it wasn’t. 

The day I left my marriage I felt like I’d been let out of prison. I felt that from this moment on I could spend all my time working towards finding who I was and what truly made me happy. I started to listen to the small voice inside of me - which when I started was so small that it was barely a whisper. Fast forward to now and I’m still working on listening to that voice but its so much louder and stronger. 
The decisions I’ve made since listening to myself have brought me closer and closer to who I really am and my true happiness. I have worked on finding what my desires and passions are, what food fuels my soul and in return I feel so much calmer, I no longer feel any anxiety and I absolutely love my life. 

I feel light.