DAWN LUCHT
  • HOME
    • About Dawn
    • Contact
  • Coaching
    • 🜃 - RECALIBRATION / 6 sessions
    • 🜃 - THE LEGACY
  • THE HEART-FULL ACADEMY Resources
    • Meditations + Workbooks
    • PODCAST
    • YouTube Videos
  • Love Notes
  • SUBSTACK BLOG

The ONLY solution to a non-sleeping baby

30/8/2015

15 Comments

 
Picture
When I was doing my NCT classes during my first pregnancy, my ex husband would express dissatisfaction that there isn’t enough help, support, information or guidance for men during pregnancy and what comes next. At the time I wholeheartedly agreed with him. Actually I still do agree with him.

But having been through two pregnancies and raising my son I now believe that there is not enough help for mothers and mothers-to-be.

 I know you’re probably thinking: “What?? We are inundated with information!” and whilst that is absolutely true, what we don’t have is someone saying to us “trust your instincts” or “listen to yourself” or “this is absolutely not going to be easy but you’ll get through it” or “DON’T READ THOSE DAMN BOOKS!”.
I read those damned books. Many books and in one respect I’m glad I did since now I know that they instil the fear of God into you. The fear that if your child does not conform to this book then you are absolutely failing at motherhood.  Only one book made any sense and that book was by an Australian called Pinky McKay. Her book basically told me to trust my instincts and bollocks to everyone else. 

 My son who is now 3 years old went through an extremely long phase of inability to sleep for long periods of time. I was told that wasn’t normal and I thought I was absolutely going mad. I did it alone too. There were months were Drew would sleep for 35 minutes at a time and awake for 45 minutes to an hour. That makes about 5 -6 naps per day. Then at night he went through a phase of going to bed at 7 and waking every 30-40 minutes for about half an hour throughout the evening. He would then wake every hour and either want holding or cuddling. I was a zombie. I also became obsessed with sleep. Both his and mine. 

 I read every forum, every book, every blog, spoke to every single person I could think of to find that magic answer. No one had the answer. Eventually the answer came from me. Instead of fighting him and the sleep (we were both exceptionally unhappy as I tried to sleep train him), I gave up and followed his lead. I gave up on any judgement of myself and the idea that I SHOULD be doing this, or SHOULD be doing that. I just accepted Drew for what he was and slept when I could, cuddled him when he needed it and co-slept because that was the only way both of us got any decent amount of sleep.

So the outcome? Well he’s 3 years old and he only wakes once. He still doesn’t sleep all the way through but that’s ok because from where we’ve come from to where we are now feels like heaven. We also have developed a very close bond and I now trust myself to do what I feel is the right thing for us. 

Not everyone will agree or approve of my methods but along this journey I’ve come to realise that judgement is for fools. We spend too much time judging ourselves as mothers and judging other mothers. It’s absolutely pointless.

So from now on lets celebrate each other, because frankly this shit is hard work and, importantly, listen to ourselves because we have the answers.


---


As always I'd love to hear from you and your comments so please leave them in the section below. Let me know what you think and how you've got on. x0
15 Comments
Amanda
30/8/2015 21:14:29

I love this. It's so true too. I'm so glad I figured out before my baby was born that it's better to not read the books. I must have managed to find all the right sites, because I learned from very early on to trust my instincts, and that every baby is different. My girl is not a sleeper. She slept great from 3 1/2-5 1/2 months, and she hasn't slept more than about 4 hours at a stretch since. Most nights she wakes at least 4 times, often more. I get plenty of sleep though as she is in bed with me and I breastfeed. When she wakes I just pull her over, she latches on, and we both go back to sleep. She will grow out of it eventually. :)

Reply
Jo link
30/8/2015 21:35:18

Agree,
We didnt have to go through all that hassle when we early on decided( after sleeping courses, advice& books that stressed hes sleep even more) that we just roll with hes patterns - to have happy boy & parents!

He stopped naps st 1.5 Y, generally slept 10,11pm-8am with waking up 7-10 times by missing physical closeness.
My mum just said Karma- when Iwas the same until 4-5Y:) didnt sleep much but positive awakenings hours!
Still a busy bee 24/7 but MUCH & vi sleeping half night( so Both I and him gets some kind Of sleep:)
Now Im happy because as a hands on mum Ive done any kids activity that can be found haha busy fun and great memories together!
But lets say me and my hubby are pretty happy to

Reply
Dawn Lucht link
31/8/2015 06:47:01

I totally can relate! and I'm so happy that you and your family are doing well :) sleep can really mess with you, for sure.

Reply
Kdw
31/8/2015 02:54:47

This is exactly how I have been feeling! I read all the books and listened to all the advice and my little girl still would not sleep alone or longer than 30-45 minutes! People around me judge me, give me those "poor you" looks, tell me I probably should be letting her cry it out. This article is great to read as it's so refreshing and comforting to know other women are in the same boat. They do not prepare you for after the birth and how to cope!

Reply
Dawn Lucht link
31/8/2015 06:48:49

Yes, there is a lot of judgement out there and even close to home, unfortunately. What worked for me was just going with the flow in the end and that had a knock on effect to the rest of my life in such a positive way. When I stopped trying to control him, I stopped trying to control other areas too. So much happier now! xo

Reply
Suzanne
31/8/2015 13:56:58

My lad still doesn't sleep through at 3 and a half but like you we are in a better place at 1-2 wakings a night. Also like you we co-sleep when needed and I cuddle him which gets him back to sleep almost straight away as opposed to him getting up and more upset. We've also been through whooping cough, seizures, chicken pox and every cold known to man- which meant that just when you think you're making progress you get a set back. It surely must be about finding your way together- however it works best for you. I have also been prone to feeling that I'm not doing something right according to many people around me but have to remember that mums and/or dads are the only ones there in the night, in the dark trying to just work it out.
We may yet get a diagnosis for a sleep epilepsy- but who knows when the appointment will finally come through.
I wish more mums spoke out as you have. Thank you for sharing.

Reply
Dawn Lucht link
1/9/2015 03:51:15

Its so hard when you are going through such a difficult phase and then additionally people around you make you feel like you're not doing enough. It sounds like you're in a better place now though, but like you I now know that as long as I'm happy with my decisions then things are easier. I hope your journey with the sleep epilepsy diagnosis is a smooth one and you're not kept waiting too long.
You're doing so well! :)
Dawn xo

Reply
jen
1/9/2015 02:23:51

I love Pinky Mckays approach. It was so good to hear someone telling me that if I trusted my instincts everything would be ok. And it was! My son and I co slept from 6months to 2.5 years and it was bliss. He is now nearly 3 and wakes up once a night for a cuddle. I have friends with sleeptrained 4month olds who so obviously think that this is unacceptable.
But I love my close bond with my son, loved trusting my instincts anf love myself more knowing I never gave in and let my son cry-it-out. Regardless of the pressure from books and other mums.

Reply
Dawn Lucht link
1/9/2015 03:53:41

Hi Jen
thank you for your comment :) Yes your instincts are the most powerful tool a mother can tap into. They are there as part of your DNA and they are spot on. The trick is to stop listening to all the other 'noise' that's around you. Focus on calm and self-loving and it slots into place. My favourite phrase is to be a Jedi-warrior. When people say something that doesn't resonate, or has the ability to make you angry... just look at it as if you're a jedi-warrior: calmly and without judgement. it takes practice :)
YES! you love yourself more now. That's beautiful. well done :)
Dawn xo

Reply
Annette Angus
1/9/2015 13:17:09

I so agree with you. When I followed my instincts both my girls and myself were happier and calmer and slept better! My first child I just trusted instincts all the way and I now also realise she was an absolute dream as far as sleeping goes as she slept through from 9 weeks. My second girl was very different.... she liked 30 min naps and feeding for an hour every two to three hours which led me to read one of those damp books and attempting some of it......It just led to a whole lot more stress and me abandoning it very quickly!!!!! My girls are just approaching 2 and 4 and are both now excellent sleepers......instincts all the way I say! :-) xx

Reply
Dawn Lucht link
11/9/2015 16:35:07

that's so great Annette! every child is different aren't they. Well done for listening to your instincts so early on! :) Dawn xo

Reply
MargaritaSmith link
18/3/2016 01:09:43

its very difficult problem with the first time mother like me

Reply
Dawn Lucht
27/3/2016 10:56:31

Hi Margarita
yes I totally understand. First time mothers I think have the least amount of support and its very uncommon to have people around you to reinforce your gut instincts and confidence. Trust you know the answer for you and your baby and don't forget that there is no such thing as over spoiling your baby with love and cuddles.
xx

Reply
best baby crib mattress link
4/9/2016 04:33:59

Get helpful tips on how to find the best baby cribs. Learn 6 easy steps to making sure that your baby has the best crib possible.

Reply
bestsleepapneatreat.com/oral-appliance/ link
21/2/2017 06:52:32

A debt of gratitude is in order for sharing the information, keep doing awesome...

Reply



Leave a Reply.



    MOST POPULAR

    The Scent Of Life

    More about Dawn

    Emotional Vampires 

    How To Not F*ck Up Your Highly Sensitive Child



    CREATING + COMMUNICATING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

    A LOVE STORY OF EMPOWERMENT

    FRANKINCENSE + OUR THOUGHTS

    SELF-COMPASSION VISUALISATION

    CLICK HERE ​FOR MORE VIDEOS


    Archives

    April 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015

INSIDE PAGES

THE LEGACYCoaching
The Heart-Full Academy
Work With Me


Love Notes

DAWN  LUCHT

Home
Contact
About
​Instagram
Proudly powered by Weebly
  • HOME
    • About Dawn
    • Contact
  • Coaching
    • 🜃 - RECALIBRATION / 6 sessions
    • 🜃 - THE LEGACY
  • THE HEART-FULL ACADEMY Resources
    • Meditations + Workbooks
    • PODCAST
    • YouTube Videos
  • Love Notes
  • SUBSTACK BLOG