The ONLY solution to a non-sleeping baby

When I was doing my NCT classes during my first pregnancy, my ex husband would express dissatisfaction that there isn’t enough help, support, information or guidance for men during pregnancy and what comes next. At the time I wholeheartedly agreed with him. Actually I still do agree with him.

But having been through two pregnancies and raising my son I now believe that there is not enough help for mothers and mothers-to-be.

 I know you’re probably thinking: “What?? We are inundated with information!” and whilst that is absolutely true, what we don’t have is someone saying to us “trust your instincts” or “listen to yourself” or “this is absolutely not going to be easy but you’ll get through it” or “DON’T READ THOSE DAMN BOOKS!”.

I read those damned books. Many books and in one respect I’m glad I did since now I know that they instil the fear of God into you. The fear that if your child does not conform to this book then you are absolutely failing at motherhood.  Only one book made any sense and that book was by an Australian called Pinky McKay. Her book basically told me to trust my instincts and bollocks to everyone else. 

 My son who is now 3 years old went through an extremely long phase of inability to sleep for long periods of time. I was told that wasn’t normal and I thought I was absolutely going mad. I did it alone too. There were months were Drew would sleep for 35 minutes at a time and awake for 45 minutes to an hour. That makes about 5 -6 naps per day. Then at night he went through a phase of going to bed at 7 and waking every 30-40 minutes for about half an hour throughout the evening. He would then wake every hour and either want holding or cuddling. I was a zombie. I also became obsessed with sleep. Both his and mine. 

 I read every forum, every book, every blog, spoke to every single person I could think of to find that magic answer. No one had the answer. Eventually the answer came from me. Instead of fighting him and the sleep (we were both exceptionally unhappy as I tried to sleep train him), I gave up and followed his lead. I gave up on any judgement of myself and the idea that I SHOULD be doing this, or SHOULD be doing that. I just accepted Drew for what he was and slept when I could, cuddled him when he needed it and co-slept because that was the only way both of us got any decent amount of sleep.

So the outcome? Well he’s 3 years old and he only wakes once. He still doesn’t sleep all the way through but that’s ok because from where we’ve come from to where we are now feels like heaven. We also have developed a very close bond and I now trust myself to do what I feel is the right thing for us. 

Not everyone will agree or approve of my methods but along this journey I’ve come to realise that judgement is for fools. We spend too much time judging ourselves as mothers and judging other mothers. It’s absolutely pointless.

So from now on lets celebrate each other, because frankly this shit is hard work and, importantly, listen to ourselves because we have the answers.


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